Xavier Nady is the greatest baseball player/anything else in the history of the universe and even beyond that. The New York Yankee right fielder dominates the sport and makes a mockery the other "professional" players.
Understanding Nady's Stats:
Xavier Nady hit .305, with 25 home runs and 97 RBIs last season. Though very good, these may seem like the stats of a mere mortal. However, Nady's stats are written with the decimal place moved over nine spots so they can appear on a regular TV screen. Nady's actual stats were...
Average: 305,000,000.000
Home Runs: 25,000,000,000
RBIs: 97,000,000,000
Why didn't the Yankees make the World Series last year? Shouldn't Nady's abilities have made the 40th Yankees World Series appearance a sinch?
The answer to this is that there wasn't a world series or even a year for that matter. Nady not in a world series can't exist, therefor everything we're seeing is just an illusion due our failure to understand reality. Besides, with the ratings the Rays and Phillies got, it hardly existed anyways.
Here's some facts about Xavier Nady you should know...
- Nady is so good he once, in the same throw, threw a baseball threw a dog, a cat, a large water buffalo, and still managed to have the ball bean Kevin Youkilis in the head.
- Nady is so good he’s blind, yet he can see. In fact he can see all 216 stitches on a baseball as it’s being pitched, plus 5 secret magic stitches.
-A Nady jersey can be used like the invisibility cloak in Harry Potter.
- Nady only makes outs so he can get to his next at bat faster.
- A home run derby is a vain attempt for MLB’s best to hit half as many home runs in one night as Nady does every inning.
- Nady can break records in sports that don’t exist, like mountain hockey and fire polo, both of which Nady is the world champion in.
- Nady is so good he can turn back time by running the around bases backwards.
- Nady is the only person that can beat Michael Phelps in swimming and he can do it with his jersey on.
-Nady is so good that if he were to argue a call, the umpire would reverse the call and then declare the other team as cheaters and the Yankees would win.
- Nady is so good that he still plays even when he goes on the DL.
- Nady is so good he can trade himself after the trading deadline and not have to go to the team he traded himself to.
- Nady is so good that he can pitch a perfect game while being the Designated Hitter.
- Nady has Cy Young Awards from before Cy Young was even born.
-The N and the Y on the Yankee cap are there to honor the first and last letter in “Nady”
- Anyone that drafts Xavier Nady on their fantasy football team will be able to play him for every position at once every week and he will get the total amount of points earned by everybody else and everyone else only gets negative points.
- The main reason for honoring Yankee Stadium is for the two months Xavier Nady graced his presence there.
- Yankee Stadium: the house that ruth built... for Xavier Nady.
- Nady can hit a home run worth up to nine runs.
- Instant replay was invented so that umpires could spend time admiring Nady’s remarkably beautiful home runs in the middle of the game.
- Nady is so good he can hit a ground ball for an out of the park home run.
- Nady has the fastest swing in baseball, even when he bunts.
- The strike zone doesn’t apply to Nady.
- Nady is so good he signs owners to contracts.
- Nady is the only player that doesn’t have to stand up during the National Anthem.
- Nady wears his home jersey during away games.
- Intentional walks don't work on Nady.
- Nady can can throw a pitch so fast that not even he can hit it... yet he can.
- Nady doesn’t do things for a Klondike bar; Klondike bars do things for Nady.
- Nady brings Santa Clause gifts.
- Nady can turn a double play with no one on base.
-When Nady gets hit by a pitch, he actually gets to take the base and keep it.
-Nady can vote in a Republican primary, even though he’s a registered independent.
-Nady is also Lebron James, Eddie George, Barack Obama and Urkle from "Family Matters"
-The majority of C.C Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and Mark Texiera's contracts will be paid to Xavier Nady.